Love vs Fear

Amidst ones family dysfunction, Rodney King, OJ and the Unabomber some where in Goodyear Heights was a fat kid 👩‍🦲that was bullied 🐂 growing up for having a booby-doo. In middle school, his game on the female 😻yum-yum was 🗣 “hey I’ll do your homework” 🤦‍♀️. His quest for ACCEPTANCE, friends 👭, the need to be needed, wanted and LOVED ❤️ came with a lot of name calling, shaming and disrespect especially when it came to his love of sports 🏀⚾️🏈.

This created spite and determination when it came to his weight and Basketball 🏀 to the point he developed low blood sugar and was thought to have an eating disorder, but with some success it led him to his first relationship 😂.

Not understanding that parents do not like their daughter’s 💑 boyfriends and that some parents will go out of their way to express this notion in an unhealthy manner. His relationship and “ACCEPTANCE” would be threatened. Feeling this to be unwarranted and disrespectful, as well as out of his control. This and his family dysfunction would churn in the pit of his stomach creating bottled aggression, and anger 🤬. It became resentment😠. Resenting everyone and everything. It began to make him bitter, he had an attitude 😤, a chip on his shoulder, and constantly felt disrespected.

He would declare war.

Disrespect would NEVER be tolerated and he meant that with conviction.

As a rage filled adolescent he started to feel at home with selling and using drugs 💊. The popularity, people’s need to be high brought him the falsehood of “ACCEPTANCE” and “FRIENDS” his need to be needed, wanted, respected, to be “LOVED”

Home Sweet Home.

Though that falsehood comes with a price and warrants a greater disrespect. His “ACCEPTANCE” “Reputation” popularity “Convictions” and resentments begin to inflate his ego and all that name calling, disrespect, shame, and dysfunction led him to believe he was unworthy of “LOVE” of “ACCEPTANCE”. He wanted his friends he worked so hard to get to know he was worthy and loyal so he was willing to do whatever it took to prove that, to protect that, making him a volatile volcano that would soon erupt, ready to ride, fighting other people’s battles as well as his own. Soon graduation was upon him and

when most graduates👨‍🎓would go off to college 🏫 in the fall, he finds himself off to prison, protecting this falsehood, his convictions, and that need to be “LOVED” ❤️.

...and that was just the beginning.

I once was but I am no more...

Now I’m trying to excel in helping my brothers that are still out in the street. My drive has always and will always be the same. When I excelled in the street I never felt comfortable on the street, because of how my mom raised me.

My cousin said to me:

“I made it my business to know my business better then anyone else” Roger Arney

This is how we was raised....

I guess what I’m saying is, some of us do bad with good intentions. At least in our heads. I spend 20+ acting a fool 24/7 thinking I was the smartest one in those streets.

I became consumed, and before I knew it I realized I wasted a lot of time on the things that were not important, and Prison bids. All over the “ACCEPTANCE” and “LOVE” of man. We lie to ourselves, blaming others, using words like “the struggle” “survival” phrases like “feed my kids” acting as though we are forced to do stupid shit. Rationalizing lie after lie, claiming we keep it real, we were fake from the jump. #daddyissues

We didn’t take care of what was or is. We allowed it and everyone else to take care of us.. That Sirs, when life is about half over will mess with your pride.

I’m thankful I made it out alive...

I lived for you, and I lived for myself, when I should have lived for the Cross J/s

John 3:16 John 15:13

💯🔥💪 #facts #real #levelup

#bookdeal 😂