Woman Snatches Smokes in Stolen Kia Soul Near Springfield/Green

Another exciting evening and another story for the paper.

At approximately 2:30AM I was robbed by a very bold and brave woman. She entered the store looking like a female version of Wesley Snipes in Blade with a wig. She was wearing a cheap black goose down coat, white skinny jeans with some fake Gazelle glasses looking like MC Gusto from the 1993 comedy CB4.

True story...

Chris Rock as MC Gusto

Ms. Gusto was about 3/4‘s of the way into the store when I noticed what appeared to be Eazy-E's stunt double out of my peripherals.

Trying not to laugh and now staring at her with a full gaze she acknowledges my presence with a question.

"Where is the bathroom?" she asked.

Pointing over her shoulder and to the right I replied with "Back left corner..."

With her headed in that direction, I turned back around and continued on with my project. My back facing the door, going in on the polar pop area, stocking and scrubbing. Like a North Korean ninja, she managed to sneak behind the counter and help herself to the cigarette inventory.

Grabbing what she could her hands were full. She had hoped that she could escape beyond the walls of the store unscathed and unseen.

She just cleared the counter before we made eye contact. She was blessed with a 15 ft head start before we would hear the bang from the starting line track and field revolver as I shouted, “What do you think you're doing?”

Bang!!!

She was off, I took a deep breath and gave chase. Grabbing the gift card display with her right hand and pulling it down behind her to try and widen her lead she darts towards the door.

I remembered my training and just like Madden I pushed the Y button hurdling the spilt gift cards avoiding her sudden disruption to snatching her up. Out the door and into the parking lot I started to catch up.

My brain started processing all the alternatives and “what if’s” like “What if someone else is in the car?” Getting closer to the getaway vehicle, a 2015 -16 Grey KIA Soul license plate HTW-3876 belonging to a gentleman in Kenmore.

I see that there was no one else inside.

“I wonder if she is carrying?” She would have pulled it already I thought.

“Maybe she has a knife?” Whatever I’m invested now.

She had nothing as she opened the driver side door and hopped in. I grabbed the cover to the island trash can and washer reservoir at pump 6 and chucked it like a discus from about 4ft or so and knocking out the back window.

A late-night Patron who had been exiting his vehicle bared witness and began to follow. Turning around I see him trotting towards me, repeating the plate number over and over.

She gotten away with 3 cartons of Edgefield Light 100’s. A retail value of $148 and a street value of possibly $74.

That is only about half the cost of the replacement glass the dude who let her drive his car has to pay.

I thank God that I didn’t catch her while she was behind the counter.

If you are looking for a quick come up trust me when I say where I’m at is NOT the place to go.